Day 307: Looking on the bright side

It occurred to me recently that in this 'How to finish a book' series I've tended to write mostly when I'm feeling negative about the work - to berate myself, or create excuses about other stuff I've been busy with, or just defiantly state how far my output has subceeded my plans.  I consciously intended to do a bit of that, at the outset. I like the recent trend of academics talking about all the rejections and failed experiments they've endured, to balance out the normal misleading bias towards only talking about successes. Plus, I think it's important for parents especially to be real about just what they're up against when they try to do more than just wipe stuff up and dispense snacks.

On the other hand, I might have gone too far and given the impression that my book is way behind schedule, that I never get anything done.

Obviously, the times when I'm getting tons of writing done are unlikely to be times when I'm blogging a lot. And when I'm getting plenty done I don't feel the *need* to blog so much.

So in the interests of balance, on day 307 *YIKES* here is a little progress update. 

I am deeply terrified about the fact that there is only one week left before the school holidays start. But I'm trying to keep it in proportion because I do have some childcare booked in. Nonetheless, I would feel like a horrible mother if I worked all the way through, so there will be camping trips and a family vacation in France (if airline still exist at that point) and in general I am committed to being properly present and having some fun times with the kids. So it will be a squeeze.

But the publisher recently checked in with me whether I was still on target for submission at the end of the summer. ***AND I SAID YES*** and then woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night wondering why I'd said yes and hating myself. But then I figured nobody provided a written definition of 'summer' in that exchange, so maybe summer includes september, right?

Anyways, the time left on the clock is now a matter of weeks rather than months and the heat is on. 'Literally', as my kids constantly and totally inappropriately say (and yes I am that cool mum that demands they explain the concept of metaphor to me before using that word again. Weird it hasn't made any difference).

But reader, listen to this - I'm actually not freaking out that much. I mean, when you just came out of a pandemic and the economy is nosediving and the weather is set to 'lava' it's hard to freak out much about a little old manuscript. But actually, I think I'm basically on track.

Chapters 1 through 3 are in respectable first-draft shape. Chapters 5-8 are in first-draft-minus-one shape. Chapter 4 is the main challenge in my path at present and I'm deep into it right now. I know the outline of the argument, and I think I found a structure I'm happy with. Obviously there is lots to do. I haven't paid much attention to references thus far. And I don't think major changes to the style are out of the question, between now and publication - I want to see how my first readers react to the tone. 

But I kinda found my voice, I think. And one of my biggest worries at the outset of the project - about how much of it would be new, fresh, original - that isn't really a worry any more. I think I found a way to review my old stuff without getting mired in it, and enough new angles and new ideas came to me along the way that I'm fairly hopeful I can avoid the biggest, most damning criticism any reviewer might have of a work of philosophy - that it's not taking enough risks.

Of course, not everyone would view that as the biggest problem. Some would prefer their argument to be safe, careful, polished. I'll never be that kind of writer! And I remind myself regularly that you can't please everyone. Someone somewhere will no doubt insist that everything I've written is obvious (in fact I can even predict who, someone else will complain it's crazy and all wrong. Actually maybe the biggest reassurance you can have is to get both those reactions, because then you know you got the balance about right.

Anyway, some people are perfectionists who will work away at something for years before it is pulled from their anxious grip by necessity. Others are last-minuters who lack motivation until a deadline looms close, and then work themselves into a feverish frenzy to get it done. I feel quite lucky I'm neither of these. I've worked fairly steadily on this project over the last year. I'm not agonising over every line that goes into the first draft. I'm not (yet) so hideously disgusted by the whole thing that I can't bear to think about it either. I think it contains some worthwhile ideas, and that because I've been thinking about the topic for so long I can offer genuinely insightful summaries of the literature. It definitely won't be the last word, but I won't be ashamed of it. Some people will judge it poorly, of course, but I think some others will like it. And that's a position I feel okay to be in.

Now I just need a pinch of luck, a break in the kids' minor illnesses, regular exercise, and no hangovers (or major admin tasks I'd totally forgotten about), and I could just make it over the line.........