On the death of recycling

 I came across an insta post this week that really resonated with me. For anyone that doesn't have instagram, I_am_mum_bum made a short video articulating her guilt over the way she seems to have forgotten her values since becoming a mother. She explains she used to identify as really principled. She was an activist and campaigner for various environmental and animal rights causes, lived by really strict ecological and political principles, and generally defined herself as someone whose priority was to make a difference and be a force for good.

She explains that she just caught herself 'hoying an empty plastic mayonnaise bottle into the bin, instead of washing it out and recycling it'. She expresses shock and disappointment and guilt. But goes on to give a powerful and heartfelt explanation of how she just doesn't have time for anything any more, how depleted she feels, since her life began revolving around meeting the needs of her children.

I think there is something really important in this. It connected with a realisation that I had that maternal instincts are not necessarily or even ever an overall force for good. Though we tend to think of motherhood as soft and loving and selfless - and it is! -there is a dark truth too, which it creates a powerful and I think biological shift in our priorities that makes us insular, selfish, Karens who will sometimes protect our offspring to the exclusion of everything else.

There is evidence that oxytocin - the so-called love hormone - makes new mothers more racist as well as more devoted to their babies. And I suspect this goes a long way to explaining the well-known shift towards the political right that often occurs as people get older. We are all idealistic lefties in uni, but by middle age we often become a lot more Tory. Its often explained as being about home ownership and simple wealth accumulation. But I think the maternal thing probably makes a large contribution too. Socialists suddenly become elbows-out tiger mums. And struggle to see the irony.

Its also true, i think, and as explained by Mum Bum, that mothers are genuinely overwhelmed and under-resourced and this exacerbates the shrinking of their moral circle. They often don't have time or space to care for themselves, let alone anyone else who isn't their children. and i suspect there are political forces at work here too.

Keep the women exhausted and overstretched so they don't attend protests or power-broking council meetings. Keep them from being school governers and attending public hearings. Keep them from reading or thinking or meeting and they'll lose the ability to articulate their rage at all the men who have ripped them off and excluded them from the soft levers of power.

The drudgery that stems from their learned helplessness doesn't only ensure that we're doing work they don't want to do. It's also shutting us out and shutting down our resistance. It maintains our appearance in the eyes of young women as irrelevant and boring. It makes us really damn easy to ignore and manipulate. Directed to capitalism-friendly self-care until we truly believe we inhabit a dog eat dog world where the elbows must be out or the family ship will sink, be trampled in the societal rush towards smoother faces and larger cars.

I'm tired. 

Yes, I know that I should stop scrolling instagram if i'm so tired but also, if you're thinking that but you're not a woman single parenting young children while working a full time job than you can get fucked.

Waiting

Well, it is coming up six months since my book was released into the world. I am proud to report that at this point I have managed to wrestle the frequency with which I check the view count down to just once a week.  It took a lot of discipline to get there.

At this point I think i can safely report to any interested parties that the enduring experience of publishing a book is........needing to be patient. I knew the publication process itself would likely be drawn-out and frustrating. But I hadn't really thought about what to expect afterwards. If I had sat down and thought about it I could have worked out that it would likely take a long time for there to be any kind of reaction.  I know that a few people have agreed to review my book. But its pretty long, so reasonably they'd need a month or two to read it. Then more time to write the response. Then if there is any kind of editor involved there will be extra time added for emails to get read and actioned. And then there is whole publication time line all over again, but the journal version this time. And all that's ignoring the fact that book reviews are rarely top of anyone's to do list. And the fact that in some cases it took months just to persuade the publisher to send a copy of the book out. Judging by the timelines i see for other academic works, i can probably expect reviews to start being published around 12 months after the book's release - i.e. June 2026.

Of course I'm happy and relieved its getting reviewed at all. And I have had short and positive responses from friends and colleagues. But let's be honest, a year is a long time to be chewing my nails worrying whether its any good or not. Is it unhealthy that I'm weekly scanning reddit and google and even asking chat gpt if it likes it? What if it got reviewed already and i just haven't found it yet?

What if the radio silence continues even after June 2026?  How long is too long? If nothing at all is written about my book this time next year, would that still be too soon to declare it 'stillborn from the press'?  How does one even come to know if you've written such a turkey that nobody even wants to say so?

It is well known that people often experience post-phd blues, because they've been so wrapped up for so long in their project that once its complete people often don't really know what to do with themselves. It's a Herculean effort followed by a major anti-climax. But at least with a PhD you get a viva a determinate amount of time afterwards, where you get a clear verdict.  With a book you just shout it out into the void and hope someone answers, at some point. At least i'm too busy to waste time more than once a week checking for responses......well maybe once more couldn't hurt.